It’s summer. Everyone is celebrating and enjoying longer days, grilled dinners, doing fun activities and finding camps for their kids that cater to the “last minute planner.” Okay the “non-planner” because if you’re receiving my newsletter, you just might be a non-planner, like me. Summer is supposed to be fun, relaxed and wonderful.  So, if you’re asking yourself, “Why am I such a mess?” My guess is that you are finding yourself paralyzed by lack of structure and lack of routine.

Routine and structure help us stay on task and keep our cognitive brain in the driver’s seat. We know we need it to function in certain settings, to keep our jobs, pay our bills, pick up our kids, keep our friendships etc.  So the amount of stress that we need to keep that part of our brain up and running is pumping at consistent amounts or frequencies when we have consistent frequent deadlines, activities and structure.  The issue with lack of structure is that the pump doesn’t know when it should be off and on and we feel like a car that is constantly running out of gas but the gas gauge doesn’t show us a true picture of reality. 

The problem is, when the lack of routine comes, our pre-frontal cortex goes off-line. It’s like our executive function is absent too. It’s really hard to get all the things done when the deadlines and boundaries are not there. We have 3 months to get our closets cleaned out and our kids have 9 weeks to complete their summer reading.  The problem is that none of us have enough positive stress (or negative sometimes for that matter) to get ourselves to “go” with these projects that have no external rewards, consequences or deadlines. Quite honestly, most of us don’t trust ourselves to follow-through on any kind of “plan” so we fail to make one.  It’ s so annoying.  It’s like our well-functioning part of ourselves hits quicksand come June. It sinks away and we wonder if it will ever come back. Then routine returns and poof, we can function again.

So, how can we fix it?  Well, as much as you can, try to create SOME routine.  Routine and structure are both loved and hated by most of us with ADHD.  We know that we thrive when we have it but there is this creative, free-spirit side to us that says, “Down with structure!” “Ewe routine – boring!” Well, I say, create routines with un-boring elements.  My Tuesday routine for this summer includes playing family kickball in a kickball league.  Every Tuesday at 6pm on the diamond, that’s where we’ll be.  Kicking it up with the “Kickin Nuggets” of Colorado Springs.  

What aspects of your crazy summer life (balancing all the kids’ activities, your work, the house, the driving, the play and all of your responsibilities) can be made routine?  Can you carve out 1 hour a week for organizing?  And that sounds really boring so can it be a dance party?  As you go through a space you are shimmying to your favorite dance mix at the same time?

Find ways to spice up your “free-time” both with fun and with responsibility. By the way, the order of those two things matters.  It matters a lot! You need to put responsibility first, followed by fun, for the reward to take effect.  Your brain will start to equate responsibility to fun if the fun comes after.  You wouldn’t give your dog a treat and then tell them to lie down. No, you tell them to do the task then reward them with the treat after it’s done. If you’re allowed to eat your desert first, are you even going to eat your green beans at all?  I’m not.

Take small steps.  Use a time-timer to block out time for you to work on those pesky “Non-preferred things” (NPTs).  Let the moving segment of color both raise your motivational stress and lower your boredom stress because you only have this much time to do this thing (creating urgency). And, you only have to _____ for this much time (lowering resistance to the task).  It’s crazy how this visual time thing can change your life.  My time-timer is running right now as I write this by the way.  I have a quarter circle of work remaining and then I’m going to read a chapter of a book (for fun), run up and down the stairs a few times and then back to it, to finish up.  

Finally, use a body double!  AND, they don’t have to be in your space with you.  I body double with friends via text all the time.  

Not only is Molly now my body double but I might have just inspired a nerve of organization in her as well.  This body doubling practice can be for ANYTHING.  Whether you are trying to finish a manuscript, study for a test, make dinner, clean up a mess, write a report, invest time with your kiddo. All you have to do is tell someone what you’re doing, set your timer and poof, they are your body double.  

So, let the summer times roll, and let yourself enjoy the change of pace with a little bit of created structure, a helping of fun and a sprinkle of body-doubling for the win.  You’ve got this! Summer on!

If this post feels a little too close to home and you would like to schedule some one-on-one or group support please email or call me, I would love to be your coach.